Friday, 15 February 2013

Please Stand Behind the Yellow Line

Love is in the air in London this week! Well, in reality ‘love’ in London is angry commuters carrying dying flowers and melted chocolates on the Underground, to partners at home (don’t worry singletons; I am retching at the thought of those loved up couples too).

So even St Valentine can’t tame the commuters of London. If anything I think he has made it even worse. It is a well-known fact for anyone who has to regularly fight their way onto a Central Line train, like I do everyday, that people on this line do not want to go to work, but this week has been particularly bad. Passenger alarms are pulled as regularly as District Line closures.

Daily commuters, like me, have a routine that gets them from bed to work in a certain amount of time, and anyone disrupting this routine is likely to induce a rage like no other…silent rage. Probably the most deadly of all- cursing and screaming at someone you have never met, but all inside your head.

Therefore, I think TFL should enforce a Code of Conduct to reduce the severity of the inevitable heart attacks and stomach ulcers awaiting us London commuters. For example…

Code of Conduct

1. Stand on the right. ON THE RIGHT!

Having lost the ability to tell my left from right at roughly the age of 11, I am  (embarrassingly) one of those people who have to double-check which one is which.  If you are the same, pre check this before you get on the escalators remember if your hand makes an “L” shape then that is left.

(And yes, I have had to check on my hands at least 3 or 4 times that right is actually the correct side to stand on before posting this.)

2. Public Displays of Affection (PDAs)

Please refer to earlier retching comment. Enough said.

3.  “Can you move down a bit”

The most dreaded words commuters can hear on a packed train. If you have to ask the question, then there is CLEARLY no bloody room!!

4. Give up your seat

Now, I am not suggesting giving it up to anyone of course. I know the attempts of pushing yourself into the aisle to get into prime position only too well, but occasionally it is just good manners to give it up. I know this all seems obvious, but it still surprises me when I am the first to offer my seat to an elderly person when there are grown men averting their eyes in the carriage, where are your manners lads?? Hasn’t Pride and Prejudice taught you anything?

Also if you are pregnant, please wear the badge, please! It would save the rest of us from some very awkward conversations.

5. Coughing and sneezing

Take your disease ridden self home to bed and stop infecting the rest of us…please.

As the Underground has just celebrated its 150th anniversary I think TFL should give something back to its raged commuters by way of a simple gift. Like enforcing the Code of Conduct, or even more simply having the District Line completely open for one weekend in the year, or putting a ban on those people who are incompetent at topping up their oyster cards. It’s the simple things in life TFL..

Now, I am aware that this blog post isn’t exactly in keeping with my general theme of finding hot spots around London, but it has just been one of those weeks. And although I may be ranting, you can’t tell me that the majority of you haven’t experienced at least one of these things or silently wanted to punch that slow walker in front of you.

So maybe St Patrick can do a better job next month. Sure, no one enjoys a tube journey more than the ones filled with drunken people dressed in green and claiming to be the next Michael Flatley, and trying to prove it to the whole carriage….

Bring on the 17th March!